Unwanted Advice

We’ve got a double header today.

Dear Dr. Brothers: My parents really don’t like my girlfriend. She’s never done anything to offend them or anything, and she’s always really nice to them, so I can’t understand what the problem is. We’ve been together for almost two years now, and they still try to set me up on dates and convince me to break up with her. It makes family dinners really uncomfortable, and it’s embarrassing to have her over at all. How can I get my parents to get over it and start to like my girlfriend? — B.I.

They say that love is blind, and you obviously can’t see what your parents do, but it’s probably there.  Parents don’t like their kids’ significant others for many reasons, but they all simplify down to the same answer: she’s not good enough for you.

You're trashy, dear.

To be honest, I could care less. The only reason I’m answering your letter is it’s an excuse to tell one of my favorite stories that is related to your problem.

When my best friend Paul* graduated college, his parents threw him a party.  They were like a second family to me, and I was there well before and well after the party to help out.  Also there was Paul’s girlfriend, Beth*, who he had been dating for a few months.  She, Paul’s mom, and I were all in the kitchen.  I was wrapping up leftovers and putting them in the fridge.  Mom and Beth were doing dishes – mom washing and Beth drying.  They were doing this in silence.  Just the silence of people doing a chore with nothing to talk about.  I wouldn’t describe it as awkward.  At least not until what happened next.

All of a sudden, Paul’s mom turns to Beth, handing her a dish and says “Maybe you should start seeing other people” Not breaking her stride, she picks up the next dish and continues washing.  Mind you, Paul’s mom is the sweetest women you could meet, and I could not believe what I had so clearly heard.

The oddest thing was not what she said, but the way she said it.  It was as plain and casual as any other friendly advice.  She could have just as easily  said “There is a stain on your blouse.”

Needless to say, their relationship didn’t last long.  I will always remember it as the most polite and tactful way anyone has ever said “you’re not good enough for my son and I want you to go away.”

* Names have not been changed.  That’s how I roll.

Today’s entry comes from Ask Amy.

Dear Amy:I come from a very large family — eight sisters and three brothers.

By the time I was 8, my father and mother had both died.

I went to live with my oldest sister (also the oldest child in the family) and her husband and his son. I lived with them until my 18th birthday. When I came home from my after-school job, all of my belongings were on the curb outside our house and the locks were changed. I lived in a rooming house because the other members of the family did not want me to live with them.

Life went on successfully for me and on my 70th birthday, a distant relative told me that my sister was dying of cancer in a hospital in the town I had moved to and she hoped I would visit her.

I had not seen her for almost 50 years. When I walked into her hospital room she cried and then told me that she was actually my birth mother, not my sister. She died the next day.

When I confronted the surviving members of my family, they said they all knew the truth but did not want me in their lives when I was young. I have tried to get close to them but no luck.

Should I forget them and just go on my way?— Ancient Orphan

Jesus Fucking Christ.  The hits just keep on coming.

Pretend for a moment these people aren’t related to you.  They kicked you out with no warning. They didn’t want you around except to tell you on their deathbed that they’ve been lying to you your entire life.  Now try asking your question again without seeming like a complete moron.

Why on earth would you want to have anything to do with these despicable people?  You were lucky enough to escape and avoid them for half a century, and now you want to give them a chance to shit all over your golden years?

The only nice thing they have ever done to stay out of your life all this time. The next time you get a call about a dying relative, ignore it.  If you do go, make sure their last words are “You’re standing on my breathing tube.”