Unwanted Advice

Dr. Joyce Brothers advises a dead man.

Man up, you pussy

Dear Dr. Brothers: My wife is pregnant with our first child. I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I’m feeling really unappreciated as a father-to-be. I know pregnancy is hard, and my wife’s emotions and state of mind are important to the well-being of our child, but she completely dismisses me every time I try to talk to her about what I’m

going through, especially when I’m feeling nervous about the prospect of raising a child. How can I make her see that my feelings matter too? — C.J.

Dr. Brothers offers the following advice:

Dear C.J.: With all the changes that your wife is going through, both physically and emotionally, as well as the focus on the birth process itself, it can be easy to forget that her feelings aren’t the only important ones. While your concern for your wife is important, it’s equally important to address your own feelings, both positive and negative. Lots of men feel as if sharing their fears or anxieties about pregnancy will only add to their wife’s burdens, but this likely isn’t the case. Your wife probably is nervous herself, but voicing your concerns will help you become a more involved and better father.

You can express to your wife that you are concerned about her and her feelings, but shrugging off your own fears isn’t doing any good. You also can talk to other fathers-to-be, or check out any of the many books and online resources for expectant fathers. Doing this research with your wife might help her see that there are plenty of concerns unique to new dads, and it might validate the feelings you’ve shared with her. You also should be sure to share not only your negative feelings, but also your excitement and positive feelings with your wife on an ongoing basis. Make sure that listening to you doesn’t turn into a string of complaints, but rather is a productive discussion about your future together as a family.

Dr. Brothers is certainly well-intentioned, but let’s be honest.  She hasn’t been pregnant since the Eisenhower administration. Doctors smoked in the delivery room.  Nurses and stewardesses were still attractive and young. In other words, it was a different era.

It’s 2011 and women have changed.  Ignore everything she said and listen to me very, very carefully.  For God’s sake, and your own personal safety, KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT.

I understand why you think your feelings  matter, but they don’t.  Not for the next nine months. Complaining to her about your feelings is like expecting sympathy over a stubbed toe from a guy in a wheelchair.  Your problems are not playing the same sport, let alone in the same league.

YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!!

Your job is to be supportive and nurturing and assuage her fears, not dumping your own on top of the pile.  You need to remember that for the nine months of her pregnancy, that is not your wife.  It is a violent, dangerous animal that will attack with the least bit of provocation.  You only have two functions. Tell her she is still attractive and get her things she wants.

Sure you can talk about this to a therapist, but for something temporary like this, save your money. You’ll get the same results at a fraction of the price from any decent bartender. Just make sure to not forget to pick up whatever random thing your wife needs from the store on the way home. Emergency room visits are expensive.