Two Birds with One Stone (it’s a pun)
Today’s question comes from Wayne and Tamara. They are relationship counselors with syndicated columns runs in newspapers in over a dozen countries.
Keep your friends close, but not too close
My husband and I have been married a year, together for seven. Recently we came to a bump in our relationship where we noticed we were drifting apart. We are working on reconnecting.
The problem is my husband tells his close friends about everything, including our lack of connection. I was surprised he revealed such intimate details.
I find it hard to hang around his friends when they come to our house. I wonder how much they know. The real kicker is one of his best friends is a nice woman who I’ve long suspected has a crush on my husband.
When I am out of town at conferences or working long hours to support him through school, these two hang out, go for coffee or watch movies at her apartment.
I truly believe he is oblivious to this woman’s advances, but something feels off about the whole scenario, like when he forgot my birthday but made a birthday card for her. I just wish I had the closeness he seems to have with his friends.
Calling your husband obilivous is like the pot calling the kettle black. People don’t drift apart. They drift from someone to someone else. In your case that someone else is this other woman. Bitch needs to get gone.
Usually at this point, I have to tell people like you that your partner is cheating, but this is a close one. Your letter doesn’t have the usual red flags.. but there is cause for concern.
He really does have one ball.
Here’s how you kill two (love)birds with one stone. Arrange a get together with him and his friends, including this woman. Pick a fight with your husband, during which you should comment how he is “half a man who only has one ball (get it.. one stone).” At this point, watch the woman’s reaction. If she looks really confused, then she knows first hand you’re lying. If she looks surprised, she probably hasn’t gotten to him yet, and probably bought you a bit more time. Follow that up with “still think sharing intimate details is a good idea?” and it should quickly put the issue to rest.