Unwanted Advice

Time for another Close Reading, where I don’t even wait until the end to give my advice. This one comes from Dear Abby.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help with a problem I’m having with my husband, “Fred.” (I’ll bet he’s cheating) He is very territorial over his laptop and other personal items such as his phone. (Not looking good) It is so bad that I’m not even allowed to hold his phone – even if he is trying to show me a video on it. (Strike Two) His laptop is password-protected. (Yeah, he’s cheating)

I have asked Fred numerous times why so much privacy, and he says, “Because these things are mine. (Translation: I don’t want you to catch me cheating) I feel as if he is hiding something. (another woman) I know I shouldn’t be paranoid (oh hell yes you should), but since he was unfaithful in the past (Wait.. WHAT??), I have my suspicions. (It’s happened before and you still don’t see it??) Please let me know what I can do to solve this (Not what you did last time – it didn’t work). – Left Out in Little Rock (Put him out)