Unwanted Advice

Dear Abby : Our daughter is divorced with two children. She has been dating a man who has three

children. Recently, they decided to move in together. All the children are first grade or younger.

oh, you shouldn't have

What would be the proper way to handle birthdays?

If my daughter and her boyfriend were married, or even engaged, I wouldn’t have a problem sending gifts to his children. But since my husband and I hardly know this man (we live in another state and have met him only once or twice), we’re not sure how to handle this. Should we just continue to send birthday gifts to our daughter’s kids and nothing but cards to his? Or would that look bad? What’s the proper thing? — FAIR-MINDED IN WEST VIRGINIA

Abby ‘s response as always offers good solid advice.

DEAR FAIR-MINDED: Your daughter and grandchildren have formed a household with her boyfriend and his kids. If you’re compassionate people, you will treat all of the children equally for as long as the

relationship lasts. If they decide to marry, which is a possibility, you will wind up being grandparents to all of them. If they eventually separate, you will have done the right thing and lent some stability and happiness to those children’s lives.

You almost had me fooled, Fair-Minded, but I see exactly what you are doing.  Letters like this are common, and usually it has to do with the parents not liking the new boyfriend or being downright cheap bastards. I’ve taken the liberty to rewrite your letter so your actual question is clear.

My daughter is living in sin with her new boyfriend.  I really want to see a ring on my daughter’s finger more than she does and it is driving me batty.  I think if they had one little extra push, they would do the right

thing and make their union official.  I don’t like confrontation.  Would it be ok for me to subtly exclude his children from our family until I get the wedding I so desperately want? – Grandma Knows Best

The answer is still no. Nice try though.

Today’s entry comes from Ask Amy.

Dear Amy:I come from a very large family — eight sisters and three brothers.

By the time I was 8, my father and mother had both died.

I went to live with my oldest sister (also the oldest child in the family) and her husband and his son. I lived with them until my 18th birthday. When I came home from my after-school job, all of my belongings were on the curb outside our house and the locks were changed. I lived in a rooming house because the other members of the family did not want me to live with them.

Life went on successfully for me and on my 70th birthday, a distant relative told me that my sister was dying of cancer in a hospital in the town I had moved to and she hoped I would visit her.

I had not seen her for almost 50 years. When I walked into her hospital room she cried and then told me that she was actually my birth mother, not my sister. She died the next day.

When I confronted the surviving members of my family, they said they all knew the truth but did not want me in their lives when I was young. I have tried to get close to them but no luck.

Should I forget them and just go on my way?— Ancient Orphan

Jesus Fucking Christ.  The hits just keep on coming.

Pretend for a moment these people aren’t related to you.  They kicked you out with no warning. They didn’t want you around except to tell you on their deathbed that they’ve been lying to you your entire life.  Now try asking your question again without seeming like a complete moron.

Why on earth would you want to have anything to do with these despicable people?  You were lucky enough to escape and avoid them for half a century, and now you want to give them a chance to shit all over your golden years?

The only nice thing they have ever done to stay out of your life all this time. The next time you get a call about a dying relative, ignore it.  If you do go, make sure their last words are “You’re standing on my breathing tube.”