Unwanted Advice

Today’s entry comes from the column of Dr. Joyce Brothers

Dear Dr. Brothers: I have met a really cool guy, but we have one thing that is keeping us from going to a deeper place. It may sound silly, but that is our musical tastes. I like hip-hop, and he likes classical music and jazz. The problem is, we could just try to ignore this, but in his free time, he likes to go and jam with friends and go to see various orchestras. So he drags me with him, and I have to sit there and pretend to like it. Should I refuse to go with him? — A.H.

The good doctor prescribes:

Dear A.H.: It is a shame your musical taste is so different when the guy you are dating seems to spend a lot of time thinking about, enjoying and making music. I wonder if he feels as distressed as you do about your lack of compatibility in this area, or if he just hopes you will grow to see (and hear) things his way. It’s impossible to know unless you take the time to sit down with him and discuss the subject. He may think your music is ridiculous and childish, and you may find his boring and incomprehensible. But maybe you can make a deal: You each take a piece or an artist and try to do a little in-depth research about it — reading, listening, etc. — and then compare notes. It may be that you both will find something in the other’s choices to admire.

If worse comes to worst, you could just stay home instead of going with your friend to his music venues. But you’d be missing out on getting to know him on another level, and he surely would come to resent the fact that you don’t really want to grow in your relationship. In fact, I would predict that your refusal to go along would be seen as a put-down of his music and would soon lead to a parting of ways. I am sure you both would be more comfortable with people you could be on the same wavelength with musically, but you can always prove me wrong.

Musical taste is a very personal thing.  I’d be willing to bet that most people would rather have someone look through their porn collection or diary than their iTunes Library. There are more skeletons in my musical closet (Summer Girls by LFO) than I care to admit.

Ever wonder why iPods have headphones instead of speakers?  Because no one else wants to hear your music, that’s why.  I saw someone take a dump in the middle of the aisle on the NYC subway once. I mention this because while there are signs all over saying “Radios Silent”  there is nothing about keeping your shit off the floor.  That right there is all you need to know about other’s opinions of your music (and that New Yorkers value a quiet ride over the inconvenience of having to walk around a steamer during the morning commute.)

I mean really, this is what is keeping you from getting to “a deeper place?” Sound’s pretty shallow to me. It’s not politics or values, it’s music, and most of it is just goddamned noise.  Sure you may not appreciate each others music, but so fucking what? I’d rather listen to audio of my parents having wild monkey sex than listen to a album of.. I dunno something hip-hop.  I don’t even care enough to Google who is popular on the hip-hop scene these days.

Just let it go.  Following Joyce’s advice is a total waste of time. I don’t dislike hip-hop because I’m not educated about it.  I dislike it because it fucking sucks. You like it.  Good for you. You did what is reasonable.  You went to concerts a few times, gave his music a shot, and found it wasn’t for you.  If everything else is great, then let music be something that you enjoy separately.  If he is worth dating, he’ll understand that you’d rather do anything else and not force you to go.

When he jams or goes to concerts with his friends, go out with your friends.  You can meet up later (or before) and spend time then.  Listening to him talk about it for 10 minutes is better than sitting through it for 2 hours.

There is a glimmer of hope for you, considering that 10 years ago, in an attempt to be relevent, the London Symphony Orchestra did an entire concerts of Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and The Who.  Maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll cover “Bitches Ain’t Shit”  but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Until then, looks like yours will be a two iPod relationship.