Unwanted Advice

Ask Carolyn tackles a 20 year old issue

CAROLYN: I am writing to ask if you think men and women can ever be just friends. Most of my guy friends started out liking me as more than a friend, settled for friendship but then let the friendship fade away as they started dating people. My boyfriend has no problem with my having guy friends, but my guy friends drop me once they find a girl to date.

Last year, I introduced my best guy friend to a good female friend. They hit it off and started dating. She soon stopped speaking to me, and he became very closed-off and awkward around me. When I asked him why everything was so weird, he would only tell me that she was uncomfortable with our spending so much time together. I live 10 minutes from him; she lives six hours away.

Is it, in fact, possible for a man and a woman to spend time together without causing jealousy from one or both significant others?

– I really just want to be friends

This question is so old and tired, I can just copy and paste verbatim a clip from a 22 year old movie (until it gets a  DMCA notice).

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk&w=500]

I just hope someone asks about faking orgasms soon.  That scene is much better, but sadly not relevent to the question.

Oh what the hell… you guys deserve it.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3eEDDjtQxA&w=500]

From Dear Abby

Did I do that?

DEAR ABBY: When I was in fourth grade, I was a bully. I remember one girl, Margaret, whose life I made particularly miserable with verbal and physical abuse. Every time I did it, I immediately felt guilty because I saw how devastated and unhappy she was. I knew her pain because I had a rotten home life.

I grew up to be a responsible citizen and loving mother, but as I approach 80, I still wish I could tell Margaret how sorry I am. How do I resolve this? — FORMER BULLY IN ALBUQUERQUE

Abby says

DEAR FORMER BULLY: Because you know Margaret’s age and place of birth, try Googling her….

Abby, did you forget this broad is 80 years old? Teaching my 60 year old mother how to use a mouse ended up with such frustration and verbal abuse that we didn’t speak for a week and a half.  Rather than put Bully through the process of figuring out what a computer, the internet, and Google is, I thought I would help by doing some research.  This is what I found.

From the Albuquerque Gazette, June 5, 1949

Tragically, local girl Margaret Prudence McGullicutty’s life was cut short days after she graduated high school when she took her own life in what the county coroner described as “by far the most horrific means I’ve seen in over 20 years. This will haunt me to my own grave.”  Father, Abe, said “she had her entire life ahead of her, but she was haunted by feelings of worthlessness and shame.”  Adding to the shock, investigators found a blood soaked suicide note that said only, “I’m finally free of her torment”  Family and police are baffled as to who this mystery girl is who drove Margaret to such a desperate act. “She got along with everyone,” said her 6-year-old brother Thomas.  “Whoever this girl is, I hope she lives the rest of her life with the guilt over what she has done, and then rots in hell for eternity.” Funeral service will be held at St. Martin’s Church on Friday.

Well, Bully.  I hope you’re happy.

Today’s One Line Wednesday™ comes from Dear Abby

Flower Girl Facepalm

Dear Abby:

My daughter was asked to be the flower girl in the wedding of a friend. We were delighted for her to be a part of the wedding — that’s not the problem.

We attended the bridal shower last week, and I lent a helping hand with some of the duties. When the shower was winding down, the maid of honor approached me and asked me to “settle up” for the party. She announced that my part of the shower was in excess of $100. I was stunned. I have never heard of the flower girl being financially responsible for a bridal shower at the ripe old age of 5.

What should I do? Not a Bridesmaid

Send the maid of honor a bill in the exact amount for “Flower Girl Rental”

Each week, I select a letter for One Line Wednesday™ and skip the usual in-depth advice and gets right to the point in one word or sentence. Think you can do better? Submit your one line response below.  Who knows, maybe eventually there will be a prize for the best one.

This One Line Wednesday™ isn’t from a letter.  Dear Abby ends many of her columns with a pitch for her guides on several topics.  I’ll give you the same advice for free.

It ain't easy being green and popular

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

 

Put out and have a big dick or nice tits.

Each week, I select a letter for One Line Wednesday™ and skip the usual in-depth advice and gets right to the point in one word or sentence. Think you can do better? Submit your one line response below.  Who knows, maybe eventually there will be a prize for the best one.